I think I have a tendency, at times, to focus too much on negative aspects of life, but of course this in and of itself is a negative self-judgment that involves ignoring the positive within myself. I bring this up because I will complain about several things in this post, a result of my promise to structure this post around ideas/reflection/analysis more than events. I will balance these complaints with celebrations, but I won’t have time tonight to write about what I’m celebrating. That post will come later.
In this post, I will complain about two things:
1. money
2. womanhood
In my next post, I will celebrate two things:
1. learning
2. beauty
First complaint: money. Traveling is quite expensive. (Of course, I won’t realize how good I have it here in Turkey until I get to Spain, a much more expensive country which uses the Euro, a currency more powerful than the American dollar and MUCH more powerful than the Turkish lira.) These first few days since leaving my aunt’s house and coming to the dorm, I’ve wanted to go out all the time both to explore Istanbul and to get to know people better, and my wallet has felt the consequences. For example, Taksim on Friday night was ridiculously expensive: 22 TL for a durum that you can normally get for less than 5 TL. However, when I complain about this kind of thing, I have to check myself. Not only did I get the $5,000 Undergraduate Language Grant from Northwestern to attend the TLCP, but I also got another $5,000 NU grant, the Keyman Modern Turkish Studies Grant. (Keyman only gave me 3 of the $5,000, though, because I told them that the program and all associated costs should total to about $8,000.) So, yes, I got $8,000 to do this program, and what right do I have to complain? But then I think about how the $8,000 estimate I gave to the university was based on the amount of money the program directors thought that students spend on travel and food, which turns out to have been quite an underestimate. I think about how I am on a full scholarship at Northwestern, and how most people around me (both at Northwestern and here at the TLCP) have just a bit more wiggle room when it comes to spending money. BUT THEN I remember that a) I won’t go to an expensive neighborhood like Taksim every day, b) I have savings that I specifically allotted for my summer in Turkey and my fall in Spain, and c) I have generous parents who want me to enjoy myself (within reason) and who have comfortable savings themselves.
Second complaint: womanhood. For a long time, I have identified as a feminist and believed that women in all parts of the world, even the most progressive parts, are still not treated as well as men. However, never has the unfairness of being a woman struck me more than it has these past few days, as a 21-year-old woman living independently in Istanbul. In my opinion, Turkish culture is rather patriarchal. The men think they deserve more respect, just by virtue of being men, and women are allowed much less freedom to roam around on their own than they are in America, because of both the controlling men in their lives and the necessity of avoiding the danger of going out alone. Recently, gender inequality has been condoned by the current, non-secularist ruling party in Turkey. Of course, not all Turkish men buy into this patriarchal culture, but enough do to make me feel unsafe. Here is a good, short article on the topic:
http://www.todayszaman.com/anasayfa_men-don-skirts-in-istanbul-march-to-protest-violence-against-women_373266.html
Here are examples, just from this past Friday and Saturday, of times when I felt unsafe as a woman: On Friday night in Taksim, after the three other girls and I broke apart from the larger group, I felt kind of unsafe. It was 11pm in a crowded, popular, touristy neighborhood, yet still some men gave us strange looks. OF COURSE this is partly because it was obvious that we are foreigners, but this is also partly because we were four women alone. In my previous post, I mentioned the street with many noisy bars that competed for patrons. Well, in Turkey, this kind of competition involves a man standing outside each bar, walking up to passerby and trying to corral them inside the bar. These men do this to everyone who walks by – men, women, native Turks, tourists, etc. – but of course they are more persistent and less respectful with women and tourists alike. This street was not the only place where this happens – on most side streets off of İstiklal Caddesi, and even sometimes on the main street itself (and all throughout Turkey), bar and restaurant employees (always men) follow people and try to corral them in. When I was walking with my three girl friends, one man followed my friend Michelle for way too long, at least two or three minutes. I am pretty sure he never would’ve done this to a man, even an American.
On Saturday evening, I felt unsafe again. My friend Kelsey and I met up with another girl, Elyse, around 8pm and decided to walk along the Bosphorus until we felt like stopping. We ended up walking 4.8 km, practically 3 miles, all the way from Bebek to another neighborhood, Ortaköy. It was a lovely nighttime walk with the lights of boats sparkling on the dark blue of the Bosphorus and the lights of buildings sprinkled among the hills on both sides of the water. However, the later it got, the more unsafe I felt in a group of just three girls. Yes, part of my anxiety came from my parents, who warned me in the clearest terms before I left the States that crime had risen in Istanbul (both in general and against women) and that I should always be in a group of at least three people and, preferably, at least one man. And yes, part of my anxiety came from my natural tendency to worry. But I am sure that a large part was fully justified by the environment I was in. After we had dinner and walked around Ortaköy, Kelsey and I took one bus back to Bebek while Elyse took a different bus to her off-campus apartment in a different neighborhood. On the bus, almost everyone was male, and they kept giving us strange looks. (Once again, partly because we were obviously foreigners, but even if we had been Turkish, I’m sure we still would’ve gotten strange looks.) I felt safe because the bus had many windows, was well-lit, and was traveling on a crowded street, but I still felt pretty uncomfortable. One guy tried to talk to us in a confrontational tone, but luckily he gave up after Kelsey and I ignored him.
After getting off the bus, Kelsey and I were just about to walk up the steep hill from Bebek to our dorm when we decided to stop at a nargile (hookah) place to smoke hookah, play backgammon, drink tea, and talk. We were there from 12am to 2am, and I can’t think of a more Turkish way to spend a weekend night. The streets of Bebek were crowded, noisy, and alive for the whole two hours, and we had a lovely time. However, when we walked up the dark hill at 2am, I thought to myself, I will never do this again. Walking with just one other girl in Istanbul at 2am is not enough for me to feel safe. (When my parents read this, I am sure they will be horrified and perhaps even angry at me, but I am not going to censor my blog just to spare me from their wrath. Besides, I already promised myself I would never do that again.) BUT THAT IS THE POINT! I should be able to do that again. It was so fun. So so fun. I much prefer hanging out with someone one-on-one to hanging out in large or even small groups. Why shouldn’t I be able to safely stay out in Bebek until 2am on a Saturday night with just one girl friend? Why shouldn’t I be able to safely walk three miles at night to an adorable neighborhood for dinner and then take a bus back? In a fair and just world, I should be able to do all those things. If I were a 21-year-old American man spending 7 weeks alone in Istanbul, I wouldn’t blink twice while walking the streets at night with just one friend. And therein lies the extreme injustice of womanhood.
That’s it for now! I am sorry for an entire post of complaints. And I apologize for my lack of pictures! In my next post I will celebrate, with positivity and pictures, everything I’ve been learning about the Turkish language, Turkish culture, and who I am as a person, as well as the beauty that is all around me. Thank you for reading, and iyi akşamlar!